Thursday, June 30, 2016
A husband decides to leave his wife. He’s often complained loudly that theirs was never a good relationship anyway.
‘I pay in way too much into our joint bank account,’ he shouts, ‘and she’s so controlling! Telling me what I can and can’t do with my life’.
‘Like what?’, a friend asks.
‘She says I need to view her friends as equals and we should share our talents and ideas so we can be healthier and aspire to be the best we can be. Can you believe it? Sure I’ve learnt more about how the world works and discovered lot of new ways of thinking about science and nature, art and culture (and I’ve even made good money over the last 40 years!) but I’ve changed beyond recognition. I mean just look at all these new spots on my face! And when I lost my factory job soon after we got married and the bosses told me they couldn’t and wouldn’t find me new work she didn’t even retrain me!’ She just said ‘Well then, we need to find something else productive to do’.'
‘But if it was important to you why didn’t you do more about it?’
‘It didn’t matter so much once I started our business and that started going well. But a big part of me feels a bit left behind and neglected. She should have done something about that. She had the chance. I’ve paid in lots of money into our joint bank account remember?’
‘Didn’t you buy a house together with that money?’
‘Yes, but I paid for the furniture all by myself. And just look at all these spots on my face! I miss my youth, when I used to live like a bachelor and could visit girls from all over the world. I want to take back control of my life. I want to stop having to listen to my wife’s Kraftwerk albums every Sunday!’
‘So what happens now?’
‘I don’t know. To be honest, I haven’t really thought much about that. The most important thing is to have made the decision. She says it’s sad but if that’s the way I feel then we should finalise the divorce as soon as practical so we can both move on and just be good neighbours. But get this, my lawyer says that it doesn’t have to be this way for me. He says that I can stop paying but still visit her whenever I like and even go to the cinema and have meals (at her place) when I want to. I’ve said some pretty hurtful and untrue things in the course of all this (she did too!) and I do regret a few of them but I know she doesn’t really mean what she says about the terms of the separation – she still needs me!’
‘So you’ll work something out?’
‘If she agrees with me then sure. In the meantime, I’m off to check out my old flames. I know they’ll be overjoyed to see me again - I've neglected them long enough!‘
‘And the grandchildren?’
‘They need to stop crying. It will really be ok in the end. Trust me.’